The Mother Load
The Mother Load
A look into the invisible labour women often experience
You know the phrase, “How does she do it all? She’s a superwoman!”
Well, yes, woman are capable of doing it all, but not all at once. Nobody can. When we do, we are setting ourselves up for burnout, which for many, have experienced at least once in our lives. So what does this look like as parents, in particular mothers?
Invisible Load
Let’s break it down,
Invisible labor (load) is a benign way of describing the never-ending to-do list that women manage in order to keep their children thriving and households running smoothly
As women, we often are juggling our own expectations to ‘do-it-all’. Have a career, have kids, take care of our health and wellbeing all while quite often, we are also quietly leading the household management and tasks which are often not discussed. And let’s also point out, we are now living in a global pandemic. So what does this all look like now?
If you were to sit down and honestly carve out who manages the majority of items in your household, who would this be? Would it be an even split with yourself and your partner? Even in this modern world, we are still holding the woman accountable for taking on these 'invisible jobs'. No matter if she also has a full-time job, part-time job, is a stay at home mom, or is the single mother doing everything she can to just keep everything a float.
‘invisible load’ duties:
+ Planning family weekend activities
+ Making appointments
+ Personal stylist
+ Coordinating childcare
+ Keeping the house tidy and clean
+ Supporting virtual learning
+ Changing out the seasonal clothing and knowing when and where to donate or pass on to a friend
+ Disinfecting the home and car (the new normal!)
+ Planning dinner, snacks, and lunches
+ Staying up to date with school updates, classroom activities, pick up and drop off logistics, encouraging and coordinating extracurriculars and summer camps
And the list goes on…with all of this, it is no wonder we are exhausted by the end of each day. Perhaps we have our own responsibilities and passion (like our own career or running our own business), or are nurturing our relationship with our partners, how do we then make time for that?
In a study, published in the journal Sex Roles, in which participants included American married or partnered mothers, many of whom were upper middle-class, it illustrated a widespread phenomenon of invisible labor — and its impact on women's emotional and psychological well-being. “Nearly 90 percent of the participants said they bore sole responsibility for organizing their family's schedules and 70 percent said they were "captain" of their ship and routinely completed and assigned household tasks”.
** (The study's sample also includes mostly heterosexual couples and few low-income women, so she cautions against generalizing its insights to every mom.)
While we may not be able to find a quick solution to this, a few ways to support ourselves and our partners can include:
Know you are not alone
Pay more attention the next time you are beginning to feel overloaded
Acknowledge that some form of ‘invisible load’ exists
Take time for yourself when you can (even small moments)
Have an open conversation with your partner and learn more about ‘invisible load’ together
Willingness to divide and conquer/streamline
Build a strong connection with other women to help each other navigate it all
Not only do we need our Mama community, we also need to continue to take care of ourselves — honour our needs and make sure we aren’t adding them to the never ending to-do list.
We’re all in this together.
Sources:
“The Juggling Mother - In The Age of Coming Undone” by, Dr. Amanda Watson