Mastering the Motherload

Written by guest contributor, Abby Hildebrand

I began with a curious title—Mastering the Motherload—knowing deep down that “mastering” motherhood isn’t realistic. This post explores the myth of perfection in daily parenting and invites you into a more compassionate, honest way of mothering.

I think we can all agree this title is a fallacy…Mastering the Motherload? Can we ever really master something that changes day to day? 

There’s no perfect definition of “motherload” - the characterization I often come across is in relation to mining. It’s about finding “a very large amount of something valuable”, but I see it as the weight of being the primary or default caregiver.

We’re the ones up all night scrolling through articles on baby development to make sure we’re doing a good enough job. We’re the ones googling “how to sneak veggies into meals so that your kids will eat them”. We’re the ones reverse engineering nap time so that we can make sure that dinner doesn’t happen at 9pm. You get my point.

There’s no perfect way to do all of this. All we can do is master the moment.

And I say “all we can do” knowing that this is no small feat. We’re not going to get every moment right, we will probably unconsciously instill some sort of trauma in our children, and “all we can do” is exactly what you’re doing now – trying your best to be the best parent to your little(s). 

So, as you continue to bear the weight of the motherload, here are five tips to keep in mind when the heaviness tries to take over:

1. Utilize Your Village! 

It’s true that our villages don’t look the same as they used to. Many of us don’t even live near our families, let alone in the same household. However, I can guarantee that there are people around you who want you to succeed as a parent – they want to offer help, but often don’t know how. And I know it’s difficult for us to ask for help, particularly when mainstream media calls moms “superheroes” on a regular basis, and we feel responsible for keeping up the stigma. So, let your superpower be asking for help. Even if it feels like you’re burdening them (you’re not), even if you think they’re only doing it because they’re obligated to (they’re not). Remember that the origin of “obligation” is “obligare” or binding, often by acts of kindness. Again, they want to help you, they just don’t know how. And you don’t have to know how they can help you either, but just by opening the door of allowing their help you also open the door for connection, and that’s something we all desire. 

2. Just Because Something is Common, Doesn’t Mean it’s Normal

Something I was told when I was experiencing postpartum anxiety is that it’s “normal”, everyone goes through it, and it will pass. But I want to make sure, scratch that, I’m on a mission to ensure that as a society we don’t normalize overwhelm and anxiety, especially as new parents. If something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t. Bottom line. There’s no shame in acknowledging that you’re struggling, even if it is common. It doesn’t mean you have to endure it alone. Lean on that village!

3. Responsibility Does Not Mean Guilt, Let That Garbage Go

Mom guilt…I feel like I could write a whole book on mom guilt (but many have already – go check out “You Are a F*cking Awesome Mom” by Leslie Ann Bruce if you want a good read about this topic!). My mindset coach regularly reminds me that taking responsibility doesn’t have to equal guilt. I come up against this often – when I’m in a crappy mood, and my daughter seems to be extra emotional (which she’s really not, I’m just extra sensitive), so I snap at her and feel terrible. We can take responsibility for how our energy affects our child, without it meaning that we’re a bad mom. We can take responsibility for the choices we make without assigning blame or shame to them. Just own it, feel it, heal it, and move on to the next awesome moment.

4. Release Old Definitions

Something no one tells you before you become a mom is that the definitions of things change. Time no longer means the same thing it did before. Neither does “productivity” or “self-care”. Before baby I could indulge in a pedicure regularly and feel great about treating myself. After? I don’t even remember if I’ve had a shower this week, let alone looked that closely at my toes… Self-care just looks different now. These days it’s more about getting up 15 minutes before everyone else so that I can drink a hot coffee, emphasis on hot. Productivity no longer means I pull a 12-hour workday and cross a million things off my to-do list; instead, I can celebrate when I wash AND dry a load of laundry in the same day (it’s not folded though, let’s not get crazy).  And that doesn’t mean these things don’t matter anymore, of course they do, it just means that we can celebrate the NEW definition of these words, rather than getting stressed and anxious about them looking a little different than they used to. 

5. Take 6 (Deep Breaths)

When the moments get sticky, when the overwhelm is building up and you know it’s about to burst, pause. Even if you feel like you don’t have time to do so, just pause and take six deep breaths. Inhale all the way down the bottom of your belly, let your diaphragm expand as much as you can, and then release as if you’re exhaling through a straw. Good. Now do it five more times. 

Our exhale is directly linked to our parasympathetic nervous system, or our rest, restore and digest response. When we catch ourselves getting caught up in fight or flight mode, we can engage in an active exhalation practice like this to shift the stress and give ourselves some breathing space to respond (rather than react).  

The common theme we hear in parenthood is that it’s hard, and it is. But it doesn’t always have to feel hard. Trust that you have everything you need to take control of the moment and flip it to serve you rather swallow you. And if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, reach out. I do see it, and I can shine a light on your path so that you can start to put one foot in front of the other again.

About Abby

Abby Hildebrand is a certified breath work coach, human development specialist, and emotional transformation guide. Having been a published author at the ripe old age of 10 (ok, so it was for a poetry contest, but still!), she has woven the soul of her story into her many careers, and despite being only 5’2”, has had the opportunity to flex her growth muscles on all of these journeys, most notably in her newest role of Mama. Her mission is to empower others to take control of their emotional and physical health, and to help them build a path through wellness, one step at a time. Focusing her practice primarily on supporting new parents, she offers individualized coaching and corporate group classes through her company, Wellness Creek Consulting. Abby currently resides in North Vancouver, BC, with her quintessentially Canadian husband Brock, brave and beautiful daughter Elizabeth and handsome fur-baby Capone. 

• Co-Author for “Mama’s Gotta Grow”, by Golden Brick Road Publishing House (Amazon Subscribers can use promo code CREEK20 to save 20%)

• Complimentary Emotional Roadmapping Session for all new clients: https://calendly.com/wellnesscreekco/motherwell

• Website: www.wellnesscreek.ca

Matrescence and Entrepreneurship

Matrescence—the beautiful, complicated transition into motherhood—came at a time when my business was also evolving. In this post, I write about re-centering my values, stepping into new ways of working, and holding space for both ambition and nurture.

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Music & Mood

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

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My Morning Routine

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Maecenas sed diam eget risus varius blandit sit amet non magna. Vestibulum id ligula porta felis euismod semper. Duis mollis, est non commodo luctus, nisi erat porttitor ligula, eget lacinia odio sem nec elit. Aenean eu leo quam. Pellentesque ornare sem lacinia quam venenatis vestibulum. Sed posuere consectetur est at lobortis. Morbi leo risus, porta ac consectetur ac, vestibulum at eros. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.

Donec id elit non mi porta gravida at eget metus. Nullam quis risus eget urna mollis ornare vel eu leo. Sed posuere consectetur est at lobortis. Maecenas sed diam eget risus varius blandit sit amet non magna. Nulla vitae elit libero, a pharetra augue. Etiam porta sem malesuada magna mollis euismod.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Donec ullamcorper nulla non metus auctor fringilla. Donec id elit non mi porta gravida at eget metus. Duis mollis, est non commodo luctus, nisi erat porttitor ligula, eget lacinia odio sem nec elit. Etiam porta sem malesuada magna mollis euismod. Praesent commodo cursus magna, vel scelerisque nisl consectetur et.

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Productive Habits

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Integer posuere erat a ante venenatis dapibus posuere velit aliquet. Donec id elit non mi porta gravida at eget metus. Praesent commodo cursus magna, vel scelerisque nisl consectetur et. Praesent commodo cursus magna, vel scelerisque nisl consectetur et. Sed posuere consectetur est at lobortis. Nulla vitae elit libero, a pharetra augue. Praesent commodo cursus magna, vel scelerisque nisl consectetur et.

Donec sed odio dui. Etiam porta sem malesuada magna mollis euismod. Vivamus sagittis lacus vel augue laoreet rutrum faucibus dolor auctor. Nulla vitae elit libero, a pharetra augue. Morbi leo risus, porta ac consectetur ac, vestibulum at eros.

Donec id elit non mi porta gravida at eget metus. Morbi leo risus, porta ac consectetur ac, vestibulum at eros. Integer posuere erat a ante venenatis dapibus posuere velit aliquet. Donec sed odio dui. Donec sed odio dui.

Maecenas faucibus mollis interdum. Donec ullamcorper nulla non metus auctor fringilla. Cras mattis consectetur purus sit amet fermentum. Maecenas faucibus mollis interdum. Nullam quis risus eget urna mollis ornare vel eu leo. Nullam id dolor id nibh ultricies vehicula ut id elit.

The Start of Something New

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Praesent commodo cursus magna, vel scelerisque nisl consectetur et. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Nulla vitae elit libero, a pharetra augue. Etiam porta sem malesuada magna mollis euismod. Nullam id dolor id nibh ultricies vehicula ut id elit.

Duis mollis, est non commodo luctus, nisi erat porttitor ligula, eget lacinia odio sem nec elit. Curabitur blandit tempus porttitor. Aenean eu leo quam. Pellentesque ornare sem lacinia quam venenatis vestibulum. Fusce dapibus, tellus ac cursus commodo, tortor mauris condimentum nibh, ut fermentum massa justo sit amet risus. Donec sed odio dui.

Aenean lacinia bibendum nulla sed consectetur. Curabitur blandit tempus porttitor. Donec id elit non mi porta gravida at eget metus. Praesent commodo cursus magna, vel scelerisque nisl consectetur et. Nullam quis risus eget urna mollis ornare vel eu leo. Vivamus sagittis lacus vel augue laoreet rutrum faucibus dolor auctor.